Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Even when things seem out of control ... God's in control ... He has a plan ... and He'll make it all work out for good and for his love.

{Romans 8:28} - " And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."

Sometimes, life can catch us by surprise, but nothing in our life catches God by surprise.

We may lay out a plan for our "future", but never is it carried out 100 % to our expectations.
We expect sunshine, but get rain. We expect peace but get war. We expect triumph, but experience defeat. Throughout my life, I've discovered that my plans seldomly match up with God's plan for my life ... and though I may have disappointment today, I know God plans to bring me joy tomorrow.

God has a plan for your life. He has a plan for my life. God has a plan that never changes ... a plan shaped around all good and all bad ... a plan molded by loving hands ... and a plan that will never fail.

What plan does God have for your life? Love. Love, love, and more love.

Not just any love, but a love that's complete; a love that will never fail. And this love, isn't somewhere out yonder, but rather it's found within the fabrication of your soul, the essence of your being, the love that holds all things together: The love of God - Jesus Christ. This love is freely given only through a relationship with Jesus ... a life of "knowing" Him through faith and love.
His love, is the only love ... that can never fail. We are a people that constantly change, but God never changes; Jesus never changes. {Hebrews 13:8} - " Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever."

God created you. Your one of a kind. He loves you 100% ... all the time ... always. It has always been that way and will always be that way; His love for you will never change

God works on an eternal basis. His focus is your eternal security ... your eternal life ... and His eternal love. It's contrary to our nature. We live for the "temporary", for "the moment", for the "feel good now, forget later". We want it all and we want it now.
God knows this. He's prepared. His nature is love and love takes care of everything --His love takes care of us. That's why "when we are weak, He is strong". His love never changes ... though times can be tough and other times glorious ... His love is always at work and in his eyes ... our life and everything in it, is going ... according to plan.

He desires our love. He desires to give us His love. His love is Jesus.
As a christian once said ... "Don't worry, about a thing, for every little thing ... is gonna be alright". Trust In God, Trust In Jesus (John 14:1) -- spoken from Jesus.

May the Grace and the Love of our Lord Jesus Christ forever be upon you, giving you peace, joy, truth and direction. In Jesus I ask this. Amen

Friday, December 26, 2008

When the Storm is Raging All Around ... Jesus is the Peace that will calm your "troubled" sea

One of my favorite worship songs by an artist called Leeland, song - Beautiful Lord goes like this,

" When the storm is raging all around me ... You are the peace that calms my troubled sea ... and when the cares of this world darken my day ... You are the Light that shines and shows me the way".

We all have experienced "troubled seas". We all have allowed the "cares of this world to darken/clutter our days". We're human. We all try to be strong, but deep down ... we're weak. We carry heavy burdens, we experience weary, and we worry about things we can not control and things the future holds, that we can not see.

So what are we to do? What should we do? What do you do in the midst of the storm? Panic? Doubt? Worry? Try to be the hero, and save our day?

There is not a "cookie cutter" answer to that question, but in reality there is.
The answer is FAITH. Faith in whom? Faith in God's love and care -- Jesus. Faith in Jesus ...

In the bible if you look at many of the healings Jesus performed, you'll find a re-occurring theme. "Faith". Many people had faith that Jesus could heal them, and by their faith in Him, they were healed. Jesus desires our "faith in Him", so that He can help us or heal us.

Usually when we're in the storm, it's only natural to fear; we become afraid. And if this is a storm out at sea, and the wind is roaring, tossing our boat around like a rag doll, and the waves are gigantic, continually crashing on our ship, and its night out, so we can't see anything ... how do we feel? We often feel alone in the storm ... for we are the one's traveling through it, and because we so often rely on "sight" and "feeling", well its hard to keep it together when things don't "look" so good" and therefore we don't "feel" so hot.

What should we do in the storm? How should we be? We must remember that His love never fails; That He cares for us.

In Mark 4:35-41, After a long day of teaching, Jesus said to his disciples, "Let us go over to the other side (of the lake - the lake was several miles long, and known to have wild storms due to environmental conditions). Leaving the crowd behind, they took Jesus along, just as he was (exhausted most likely, for he is fully human as well as fully God), in the boat. There were other boats with him. A furious squall came up, and the waves broke over the boat, so that it was nearly swamped. Jesus was in the stern, sleeping on a cushion. The disciples woke him and said to him, "Teacher, don't you care if we drown?".
So Jesus got up, rebuked the wind and said to the waves, "Quiet! Be still!". Then the wind died down and it was completely calm.
He said to his disciples, "Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?"
They were terrified and asked each other, "Who is this? Even the wind and the waves obey him!"

In the midst of the storm, we might think Jesus is asleep at the wheel, but the truth is He's right there with us. He is in control, He cares for us, and we need not fear. He desires our faith ... so in the midst of the storm "Have Faith", for the Love of Jesus has the ability to carry us through the storm and even to "calm our troubled sea".

Do not be afraid, Have Faith in the Love of Jesus. He can calm the storm and His care can give you peace in the midst of your "troubled sea".

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Order of Testimony -

READ --
1st -- Last final Words

2nd-- Last lap

3rd -- Crossing the finish line

Sorry :) , submitted them in the wrong order

Last final words of my testimony - the 2 blogs under this one finish up my testimony -- finally :)

Before I finish my testimony, I think its important that you know that I did not seek to find God/Jesus in any way. Rather, it was quite the opposite. I was an intellect, who maintained intellectual conceptions of what life was, is and such. I had no desire to "find" God/Jesus, to "know" God/Jesus or anything along those lines.

Instead, the Love of God -- Jesus Christ, came to me. I was lost and He found me. He met me right where I was at in my life. I was in a deep pit, yet the depth of His love for me was greater. I did not go after Jesus, He came after me. Likewise, His love will come to you, no matter if you want it to or not. Like myself, He will knock on the door of your heart, but it's your choice to open the door and let Him in or not. Every time you hear the name of Jesus, His love is reaching out to you, whether you believe it or not. At that moment in time, you are forced to make a choice on where you stand deep within. It's either, Yes I believe or No I won't.

But for me, the greatest thing I've ever done and will do in my life is placing my faith and hope in Jesus Christ. He is the greatest truth I've ever known. His love is the real deal and I've experience the life changing power of his miraculous love first hand in my life. That is why I live to share his love with others. Its like this, If I found the cure for all diseases and the healing power of all hurt in the world, why would I keep it to myself? Likewise, Jesus has given me "life", true "joy", true "peace", and true "love".

And I desire all people to have this love and experience this "life in Jesus" that has set me free and shown me purpose and truth. Jesus is the real deal, there is no joke, this isn't yoga, this isn't some "thing". Jesus is love, He is life, He is everything you could ever want and more. Jesus is the way of forgiveness, eternal life, and love that clarifies who you are and why you were created.

If you have no hope, take the leap of faith into a hope that will never fail, and a love that is beyond real. And see for yourself, the love of Jesus Christ work miraculously in your own life.

Crossing the finish line of my Testimony -- The day I placed my faith in Jesus

I'm doing my best to wrap things up here, but its hard because it is so important that you understand the components that led me to the moment "I heard Jesus knocking on the door of my heart" and the moment "I let Him come into my life, finally placing my faith in Him and welcoming Him to live with me, in me and through me everyday here on out".

So let's finally finish this. The first person I lost in my life was my dad. He died the second day of my senior year ... heart attack, all my family was there. Looking back, I'm so thankful it happened. One ... my dad was not himself, he was suffering and God showed him mercy and brought him back home to heaven. Two ... it was the climax that set fourth the change in the lives of my brothers, mother, and I that led us to Jesus Christ ... to a love that is beyond description ... to a "life" that is filled with truth, joy, peace, purpose, and hope.

After my dad died I was in a long relationship that meant a lot to me. During that relationship, I learned a lot about people and I watched myself slowly self - destruct overtime ... bringing me to a point of brokenness where I was hopeless, helpless, so very lost, and a place of weakness ... where nothing around me stood as truth anymore and I had come to a place in my life that was dark, empty, and lonely.

First, Jesus is with us through the storms. He stands by our guard waiting until the point in which we are drowning and we finally shout out "Help" ... then He comes in for the save ... because it's then, in our hearts, that we truly need him. Thank God for storms of my life, that led me to the point of brokenness. For if it was not for that brokenness ... my pride, my intellect and my "self-righteousness" would have prevented my heart from welcoming Jesus to come into my life. I would have seen no need ... like so many people do in their life. But Jesus came into my life "to set me free", "to show me the way", "to show me his love", and "to make everything right and provide me with the truth".

Wrapping things up (ask me about this in person and it will be a lot clearer), After my dad died, my brother and my mom had some "tough" times in the changes that would soon follow. At this point in time in our lives, the Catholic church became very cold to us (in reality we had just lived out a "religion" and never experienced the "relationship" that is meant for us in Jesus Christ) and we had pretty much no thought of God/Jesus in our minds for about three years (other than the seeds of love being planted by my Aunt Maureen, my mom sister, who was a Follower of Jesus).

One day my mom, ran into someone in the grocery market that suggested this "church" that was right down the road that "wasn't like a church", they described it more like the real deal -- a family type setting of people passionate/real about Jesus.

So my mom went to Calvary Chapel one day, and her "depressed" spirit was lifted, and she re-dedicated her faith to Jesus and her life became amazingly uplifting -- with joy, hope and such (you really had to see my mom's change in order to experience the full out impact). At the same time, God had also healed my brothers deterioration and He was getting better as time went on.

Still, looking at myself, I was at a place of great darkness and despair in my life. I wanted nothing to do with "God" or this "Jesus" thing. I was very happy for my mom, but I still was trying to take charge and become the "saviour for my brother/family".

But ya know what, in reality, I can't save anybody. I couldn't save my family, heck I couldn't even save myself. Only Jesus saves. Only Jesus can soar into your life and bring you out of whatever darkness, past hurt, or feeling of despair or loss you may have. Only Jesus has the power to save.

So time past, my relationship came to a horrible end, and I was broken. I had access to other girls and sex ... but it wasn't making me happy ... I was still empty. I had my marijuana ... but ya know what, still wasn't happy ... I was still empty. Then I had my ego ... crushed, I didn't even know who I was anymore, I was just a facade ... a big lie. Then there was my poker ... I went to AC, went up about $800 in an hour and with tears dripping down my face at about 3 in the morning, I was still unhappy, I was still lost, I was still hopeless, and I was still empty (the money meant nothing to me).

A few days later, it was Easter. It was my 3rd or 4th time at Calvary Chapel ... and for the first time in my life, my heart was open to listen. In the past I had eyes that could see ... but they were blind, and ears that could hear ... but did not listen. This service on Easter was the first time I actually "understood" what Jesus was and is, the first time I understood the resurrection, and the statement by Jesus that "He is the way , the truth, and the life and that NO ONE goes to heaven except through Him".

It was the first time I realized that I had no hope. I believed in nothing ... and if I died that day ... I wouldn't be confident saying that I knew where I was going, and I had no confidence in saying "I knew who I was".

It was that day on Easter, that Jesus came to me. For the first time in my life (probably many others but I did not listen) I heard Him knocking on the door to my heart. Destiny swept my soul. My entire life had streamed up to this exact moment ... the only meaningful moment in my life ... the moment I placed my faith in Jesus. I finally knew who I was, and the reason for everything. Out of the darkness I finally saw the light and the path He laid before me. I heard Jesus knocking and I was fight within, but I was to afraid to say "NO, Go away", so I let him in. During the prayer at the end of the service, when Pastor John did the somewhat "altar call" but different, I took my leap of faith and was the lone person that placed there faith in Him (saved) that service. I've been blessed enough that it was recorded, so I can always go back on the website and listen to that service and remember the most important day of my life -- placing my faith in Jesus and welcoming Him into my life.

In all truth, I placed my faith in Him that day, but I didn't have some miraculous change over night. Overtime, He did the work within me, to grow me up, to show me who He is, and to strengthen my relationship with Him. All I did ... was choose to believe in Him and it was the best choice I have ever made in my life. I know who I am now --- A Child of God. Overtime ... all the anger, depression, hurt, and addictions faded away. Jesus removed them all. I struggled with letting them go ... but those things could never compare to the Love I have in this relationship with Jesus Christ. Its more than a feeling, its a truth.

So as "spider webbed" as that testimony was, it still is my testimony of how the Love of God ... always stood by my side, it never left me. That even through all my sin, his love never changed. I did not seek out Jesus, rather He sought out me, and chose me to "come and follow Him". He chose me to be "a child of God". I was a very sinful person, but now I stand in the blood of Jesus Christ, knowing my sins (past present and future) are all forgiven, and that I will forever have a relationship with God and eternal life through Jesus Christ.

All I did was BELIEVE and LOVE. Jesus desires you to ... take the leap of faith ... and discover the life of love you were made for through a relationship, not a religion, with Jesus Christ. God bless. I have faith in you and in Jesus. Amen

No matter how deep the pit your in, Remember that the Love Jesus Christ has for you is even deeper, and He can pull you out, all you have to do is ask, all you have to do is believe.

Last lap of my Testimony - A love that has set me free -- placing my faith in Jesus

During my teenage years things began to change for me. Having gone through a lot of chaotic things within my own home, I felt a change within me from this energetic, joyful individual to someone who started struggling with anger and depression.

After a while, this battle within produced changes in my interests and hobbies in life. One of the first changes came in 9th grade or so. I had started to lose interest in sports and school, and that was the year that I made a decision that would practically impact the rest of my high school career and pretty much all of college. That decision was to try marijuana.

At the time, I believe I was the last of my friends to try it. I never was really a follower so "peer pressure" was a joke to me because no one really influenced me or biased my decision making besides myself. So I can't really blame my friends, really I blame myself. I was curious and decided "why not". So I tried it, and I liked it a lot. When I smoked, I felt like the kid I used to be when I was little ... always happy, goofy, funny, fun, on top of the world, no cares in the world, just peace. In a sense it was a self-medication for my ADHD (which I had always used sports to help balance my levels of energy), it took away the anger and the depression and replaced it with joy, laughter and peace.

So, I liked smoking marijuana. So I smoked. I wish I could say I only smoked with other people, but that would be false. I didn't need to smoke with anyone else. Matter of fact I was more than comfortable smoking by myself. I smoked everyday for about 6 years. I smoked everyday before school, after school, sometimes leaving school at lunch to smoke. I smoked before driving, before going out to socialize, before swimming in the ocean, or skiing or going to the movies. Heck I couldn't sleep unless I smoked before bedtime. Everything I did, I pretty much smoked before I did it. No one could tell. I was so comfortable in my "smoking" skin, it just became who I was. And after a while, people knew that's just what I did and it was accepted. I thought I couldn't be happy without marijuana and really I couldn't. I was a slave to marijuana, and I settled with the fact that I would probably smoke for the rest of my life. Keep in mind, I never did any other drugs, I was the kid who was against drinking because my dad's alcoholism had scarred me and I never wanted to repeat it, (I took my first drink my second year in college, only for social purposes ... and really I don't like drinking) ... and I never smoked one cigarette ever. It was just weed for me, and at the time, it was more than enough.

After a while though, I was a dog chasing his tail ... I was still empty, I still was hopeless. I wasn't getting far, just escaping reality, and reality was very easy to escape for me (I made many excuses to escape daily).

Coming into 10th grade, I lived a feel good life style. It was either my ego (reputation/social popularity), my marijuana, or a girl friend and sex. I've always been a lover (good and bad). And for me, I've always found comfort in having a girlfriend or someone that is there for you. For me, I always needed a girlfriend ... it gave me peace. In 10th grade, I started having sex/sexual relations ... and to be honest ... it felt good and I liked it. I don't want to say it became another escape, but in reality it did. My life was about escaping to the place where I could forget everything and "feel good". I constantly went in a circle from friends (ego), marijuana, and girlfriend (sex/companionship). Everyday of the week. And after a while I was content with it all. But I still had no hope, I wasn't progressing in "fixing" or "discovering" who I am and what my purpose is, and after a while it gave me the same feeling of "emptiness"... that I've always felt until I found the piece that perfectly filled the "hole" within my heart and soul. A relationship with God -- Jesus.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Where are you at today?

A quick question I pose, before I finish up my testimony tomorrow. It was question stirred up by someone very close to me.

Feeling Empty? Have you ever felt this way?

I know I have.

What do you use to fill the "emptiness" within your own life? Things? Feel Goods? Achievements? Money? Escape? An image? Hope?

In Matthew 16 verse 24-26, Jesus began speaking to his disciples about His soon to be death and betrayal. For our purposes, these are selected verses that Jesus poses to our hearts.

26"What good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world, yet loses his soul.

Sometimes the emptiness within us is due to the fact that we don't really know who we are? So often we live for numeral uno ... and we can find ourselves leading a life that moves us further away from discovering who we are, what our purpose is, and why we were created.

Jesus says clearly --25"For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it (save it)."

Are you willing to end a chapter in your life of emptiness, for a new chapter to find you, life -- true life, purpose, and completeness? If you want to, its easy, all you have to do is make the choice. I call it "getting lost". If the life your living has no hope, go the opposite way. Jesus chose to go the opposite way, he chose love. If your empty, He welcomes you to "come, and follow Him". He is the way, you will not be disappointed, in fact you'll find fullness of life. So I challenge you, Go the opposite way.

So ask yourself, where are you at today (in your heart)?

Part 2 - Storms faced by my family and I

Continuing from where I left off .. there were alot of storms I faced that many people would never have guessed. People would never have guessed that many evenings when I was younger, when people were sleeping, there was warfare going on within my home. Heck, there was daily warfare, night or day.

I'll start of explaining my father.

My father was a torn man. He gave me so much love and was an good father ... who was passionate about Jesus Christ and animate about living a life of love, compassion, kindness, understanding, selflessness, forgiveness, truth, and family. He had a wonderful heart.

But he also had a double nature. He was heavily afflicted by his past, and was never sastified with his present. He struggled with addictions -- such as alcohol mainly, cigarettes, and other drug related dependencies based on mental conditions, as well as sex/lust. Also, He was a Senior research chemist (a few decades) who was exposed to a certain toxic chemical called "methyl-Ethyl-tin" in high dosages, which took him out of work and left him with a knowledge that his body and mind would deteriorate more and more as the years went by, so what I'm saying is he had severe mental illness with horrible health related issues on top of it all.

It's important that you know my Dad, because the affliction of any loved one will overlap into the life of another. I loved my Dad dearly. And he would want me to share "the truth" with all of you, so that Jesus would be glorified -- His mercy, His Great Love, and His Saving Grace.

My Dad never "abused" my mom, but came pretty close at times. He was a very scary person who could go zero to 1000 very quickly, especially under the influence of alcohol. Being the oldest of four boys, I was always the front runner, the defender of my mom and the representative of my brothers that had to "challenge/confront" my dad during "scary" scenarios. My father never hit me though, never once in my entire life. I meant alot to him and there were many moments he broke down in front of me. But at the same time, there were many times he didn't back down and would try and terrorize/scare me (throwing things, breaking chairs, screaming beyond sound, violent movements, etc.) Being a child, I didn't know what to expect, my dad was very erratic and unpredictable in nature. There were many nights, I would be startled out of sleep because something was happening between my mom and my dad, because of my dad ... and I'll be honest, alot of scary "shit".

Sadly, my heart became cold after a while, many people couldn't see it because I was always good at "putting on face" or "not thinking about it, but my heart really was going cold. I hated my dad. It came to the point at times where I was ready to kill, if anything got out of hand and my mom was in danger. Being a child who had to be ready to kill at will ... made my heart very cold. Because as much as I hated my dad, I loved him.

It broke my heart to see my dad struggle so much. He hated who he was. It broke his heart to see the family he cherishes go through so much pain because of his "warring nature" the battled daily inside him. He was always apologetic. He always admitted wrong and worked His hardest to change things for his family. It just hurt me to see how hard he had just fitting in this world, but thank God I know now that this life here and now isn't important, that you won't "really" live until you're done this life on earth and you're face to face with Jesus Christ/God. This life has one purpose -- to know God and to Love God through Faith in Jesus Christ and a relationship with Him through Love.

I was heavily impacted and traumatized by the destruction of my dad, he was the first person I ever lost. He died September 3rd 2003. 2nd day of Senior year, I was 18.

Looking back I wouldn't change a thing, I'm so thankful God showed my dad mercy and brought him home to heaven. Because of all that happened in my past, it led me to the most important moment in my life, April 8th 2007 -- when I went from "no hope" to placing my belief and hope in Jesus Christ -- the day in which I found my purpose, who I am, and "fullness of life".

The 3rd part of my testimony will be posted soon. In the last part of my testimony I will lead you through and up to the life finding decision to place my belief and hope in Jesus Christ.

Saturday, December 13, 2008

Testimony - Part 1 - The double nature -- Love of God vs Sinful man

This is my Testimony about the Love of Jesus Christ -- The Love that has set me free -- Giving me New Life; Eternal Love (Life)and Relationship with the One True God that created me.
The saying is true, "Things have to get worse, before they can get better".

From the moment I was conceived, God's loving hand was upon me. I've been blessed every breath of everyday. (Telling my testimony is so hard, its alot easier in person, so feel free to ask me any time ... typing it out is very difficult, don't believe me, you try it :) )

But being blessed didn't guarantee sinless perfection. Being blessed didn't guarantee eternal life in Heaven. Being blessed did not guarantee anything, except God's presence continually at my side. But based on the barrier of sin, the wall that plagues the lives of human beings and myself, separated my ability to have a relationship (eternal) with Him and without that relationship ... life and love cannot be complete, nor experienced in fullness.

So I'll start ... I've been through many storms in my life, and I'm guessing you who are reading this, have been through some as well. Although I had many storms, I still considered myself as very blessed, as mentioned. Throughout my life, everything worked out for me. Friends, Intelligence, Abilities (Athletic,Social,etc.), Girls, the list continues. Apart from the storms that occurred in my own home and some minor bumps along my road outside of my home; I never really had difficulty in life.

Everything came easy to me, and my life was easy to live. This explanation is not to sound egotistical, just bluntly honest. I was never really a follower, and being the extroverted individual I am and was, always provided me in positions of being my own conductor, in which others came along for the ride (if you get what I'm saying). In the eyes of many others, I would assume , others would say that everything worked out for me throughout school and other social networks in life; being blessed. But, true friends are hard to come by, people change, and you can have 100 people who love you/praise you/or are friendly with you but not have one true brotherly friend ... and I feel that there is some truth to that through out my own life.

I had a unique heart. I was always kind,caring and compassionate but looking back at it all, I loved who I was in a bad way. I lived off who I was, what I was, and my ego; In a sense I was my own God, in my eyes. I lived to "Be the Best" -- in everything. I lived off of "being the man", or "getting girls", or "getting laughs", or "being respected", or pretty much "what society tells us, is the life and who we should aim to be ... the Top Dog".

But through my experience and at the end of the day ... I was still empty ... because nothing around me was truth, or real, not the people I associated with, dated, or was friendly with. My life didn't make me a "better person" but in reality, at times ... probably worse. Maybe I'm wrong, but alot of people are just a facade, and I can see that clearly through my experiences with others. The way I was, was very real, and that's scary because in comparison to what Jesus was, my life was very contradictory. I can say this though, all the "good" things in my heart and in me, they are of God, his hand print throughout my life. All the good things I ever did, looking back, were really just Him, working love and "Kind" acts through me. Likewise, all the selfish, messed up stuff I did ... for my glory ... that was me. That is the double nature of human beings.

Meanwhile ... I was the kid who was always smiling, very cheerful, a joker, confident, and happy-go-lucky. I felt like I had this "double nature" (and even today, the battle between my new nature in Christ and the old nature continues, which I'll speak about in one of my future blogs to come). On one side I was caring, understanding, compassionate, loving, joyful, the works. On the other side I was selfish, prideful, boastful, egotistical, arrogant, blunt, Napoleon type person. And then there was the side of me that straddled the line separating the two sides.

This concludes part 1 -- The double nature -- Love of God vs Sinful man

(I've been really sick this past week, so I apologize for the wait, I plan on giving a detailed version of my testimony, followed by a summary of events, just to hit home my testimony in under 8-10 sentences) (part two -storms- is already in editing mode)(Thank you for your patience, and if your confused or have questions on something, please get a hold of me, or leave a comment)

My Testimony - The Love That Leads to Eternal Life -- Faith in Jesus

I apologize for the delay on my testimony. I have no "great" excuse. Except for it's long and difficult to write :). It seems although we all let "life" sometimes get in the way of our "living"; I know I do at times. With that all said, I want to give a few brief words before I tell you my testimony.

First, this will be a summary of a series of events in my life, that in reality are very in depth and more complex than what I am presenting on the surface. These events are the stepping stones that I believe led me to the exact day and moment when I realized "the truth", experienced for the first time ever in my life - - "destiny", and discovered who I am and the purpose for my life and why I was created.

Second, I feel it's inappropriate to give the NR version of my testimony, but I plan to be as straight forward and honest as possible. Looking over my life, I feel I've always had a good heart. And throughout my life there were plenty of so called "good things" I've done in my life ... but like everyone, I've fallen short ... I've been very sinful, and although I might not be able to see your heart, God sees all, and knows everything you(I)have ever thought of and have done. He has seen all the good and the bad ... and at the end of the day, He still believes in us (me) and His love remains the same.

There really is hope. I was a hopeless facade and today I stand in the Hope that has set me free. Jesus

By exposing all that has happened, you will be able to see ... that God loves us 100% all the time, always ... and He came to my rescue ... even when I did not call on him, nor did I look to Him ... His mercy, forgiveness and love (Grace) ... came to my rescue, not because deep down I needed Him or Loved Him ... BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY BECAUSE HE LOVED ME AND HE DESIRED FOR ME, TO BE WITH HIM ... FOREVER.

And the only way I can live "In His Body" (Heaven) is if I am sinless, and that is where the death and resurrection of Jesus comes in to save. I needed saving. I did not need a hero ... I need something more than that. I needed Jesus.

(STILL EDITING THE TESTIMONY... BUT IT WILL COME IN SEVERAL BLOGS, BC ITS KINDA LONG, FOR TONIGHT THIS JUST GETS YOU READY)

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Testimony Tomorrow ... school stress ... "Its not what you do, it's who you know"

Who do you love? Who loves you?

Jesus says - 3:16"For God so loved the world, that he gave his one his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life"

17"For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world but to save the world through him."

18"Whoever believes in him is not condemned but whoever does not believe stands condemned already because he has not believed in God's one and only Son."

19"This is the verdict: Light has come into the world, but men loved darkness instead of the light because their deeds were evil."
[JOHN 3:16-19]

Jesus says this, not me. I've listened to a lot of people tell me a lot of different things in my life. If I believe that my mom means every word she says, when she tells me she loves me ... what more can I say about Jesus. Is Jesus a liar?
I'll leave you with this ....Jesus said ...

"I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; and whoever lives and believes in me will never die. Do you believe this?" [JOHN 11:25] Jesus speaking to Martha

Jesus says -- [ John 14:6] - "I AM THE WAY, THE TRUTH, AND THE LIFE ... NO ONE COMES TO THE FATHER (heaven) EXCEPT THROUGH ME."

So I ask you, all these things said by Jesus ...What does it mean to you? What will you choose to love, What will you choose to believe?

Remember ... God loves you 100% all the time, always ... but experiencing that love, and destroying the barrier sin has created between us and God requires the ONE WAY bridge of Faith (belief) and Love. Stay blessed, I pray for all readers, and all non readers :), Amen

Monday, December 8, 2008

Testimony put off until tomorrow, procrastination + finals = Stress, I apologize

Until my testimony tomorrow, I pose a question.

What do you believe in? Does your life reflect that belief? What would you be willing to give and/or to give up for that belief? Does that belief shape your thoughts, your actions, and your life?

I hope this question stirs up something within, for really, the answer to that question is only important to you and God, no one else. Just to note ... a few years ago I did not believe in anything ... not even myself. Life is meaningless without Hope, without purpose. Does your belief offer forgiveness and eternal life (love)?

So I ask you ... what do you believe in?

Sunday, December 7, 2008

I was once lost, but now I'm found .... was blind, but now I see.

This is actually my 3rd blog, but really my first "REAL" blog apart from my two introductions.

I believe in the truth. No matter what anyone thinks, No matter what anyone knows ... God knows me and God loves me. He knows my heart, He knows my every thought, He sees all I do, He feels all I feel, He knows my past, my present, and my future.

Therefore, God is my judge. I do not live in vain. I do not live so others may think favorably of me. I do not live for people to praise me. I do not live to "please" anyone else.

I live for love and by love. I live for Jesus(God). I live to love, to serve, to honor, to glorify, to obey Jesus(God), and to complete Gods will/purpose in my life.

Therefore there is nothing I do apart from the strength, the spirit, and the love of Jesus Christ. All I do that is good ... owes all glory to Him; likewise all I do that is selfish (in a bad way) ... is accredited to me.

I'm writing this ... so that I may be a witness to others, what Jesus has done in my life. His love has set me free in a way that is unexplainable and indescribable. But all who know me can testify that there has been a change in my life, a change in who I am ... and I would like to call this change ... the Love of God--The Love of Jesus Christ--Eternal Life.

This leads up to my next blog -- my testimony
This is my testimony of who I was, the events that led up to april 8th 2007, and what happened that day that leads me up til now.

This is my testimony of the Love of Jesus Christ finding me, my step of faith, and what God has done within me that has given my life truth, joy, peace, hope, purpose, faith, assurance, and most importantly a love that has set me free -- "a Love that will never fail"

It's important you know the truth, for as you will see ... the truth has set me free.

Saturday, December 6, 2008

I am only a man, but I am also a Child of God

Before I start my first "real" blog ... I just want to say a few things.

First, I am only a man.
There is nothing about me that is more special than any other person God created. I am not an author, I am not a guru, I am not a prophet, I am nothing but what God has made me ... Drew Geary McCloskey.

Each of us has one thing we can cling to: That God uniquely designed me (you). NO ONE in the history of creation is made like me, nor is anyone made like you. You are the only "you" in all creation. So in that sense, we all are uniquely special, because God loved each and everyone of us soo indescribably much, that He customly designed us to be "one of a kind". Therefore, we all, in a sense, a very uniquely special.

For the readers of my blogs, I would like to clearly state that I am not here to shape the way you think in anyway. The ONLY influence/guidance/advice/belief anyone should ever take, is ONLY that of God himself. And the only way to get God's advice/insight is through what people call "His Word" aka "The Bible".

I do not aim to shape your perspective or belief system in any way (again :)). No one knows you more intimately and more intricately than God/Jesus Himself. Therefore, its important to understand that I am just a man, but that I am also a Child of God.

Secondly, I am a Child of God
What does that mean exactly? Good question! I will expand upon this in greater detail in one of my future blogs ... but in a nutshell, in the beginning of the book of John, it explains what this means:

[John 1:12] - "Yet to all who received Him, to those who believed in His name, He gave the right to become 'Children of God'--children born not of natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband/wife's will, but Born of God"

Therefore to all who received Jesus by faith, and to all who have placed their hope, their love, and their faith in believing in Jesus, as the Son of God, were granted a gift.

This gift WAS NOT something anyone could deserve. This gift WAS NOT on the basis of being a "good person" or "doing good". This was a gift given to you, from God. This gift was given to you, because God loves you 100% all the time, always. This gift is the forgiveness of all your mess ups (sins) AND not only forgiveness, but an eternal love, an eternal life apart of God's family ... no longer seperated from, but becoming ONE WITH HIM forever.

This gift is Jesus Christ -- living within you now and unto forever.
So when I write or when I speak, I write/speak as a man. But also,when I write or when I speak, I speak as a Child of God, on his behalf (Holy Spirit ...explained later).

I pray God may continue to bless your days and work in your life in such a way, that you my find peace and assurance, knowing His love is always with you. In Jesus I ask this, Amen.

Friday, December 5, 2008

It may seem like the end, but really ... its just the begining :)

Hey everyone,

Welcome! First, let me start off by saying God is amazing ! How He weaves our lives and everything together is just unfathomable.

If you are reading this, its not by coincidence. Nothing happens by chance. Believe it or not, for some odd reason I can't put my finger on, God set aside this exact moment, this very second, for you to be in front of your computer reading this ... my blog or really the blog He put on my heart to start.

As my fingers hit the keys, something new is being created, history is being made and ... knowing what God is doing right now, just blows my mind.

Being this is my first blog, Its only appropriate that I set the theme for the blogs to come.

Yes, by reading this, I hope you get to know more about me and gain a deeper understanding of my heart/life,

but most importantly,

I pray that through this blog, others might come to know the "nature of God" more intimately and through the discovery of His nature, experience the amazing Love of God that has clarified meaning and purpose in my life (and I pray yours) -- the Love of Jesus Christ.

This blog is about my walk with Christ. The Trials, the tribulations, the stumbling, the Joys, the Blessings, the truth, and the life of love.

Through this blog, I aim to show others what a"Christian walk" truly is like (the growth and the stumbling). I believe that by doing this ... that others may see that God's love for us never changes, His faithfulness always remains; that He stands by our side to the very end, and that, truly, when I am weak, it is then I am strong, for as you will see, Jesus carries me.

This blog is about "God's Love --Never Changing, 100% Love All the time, With You Always"

I aim to utilize alot of God's Word (Bible) and the guidance of the Holy Spirit to be the administrator that shapes the content of this blog.

All things have their time ... this moment, is your moment; designed to show you that there is a love among you, God's love --the very love that made YOU and keeps you.

May God bless this blog, and may He shape its content, in Jesus I pray this, Amen