Part 2 - Storms faced by my family and I

Continuing from where I left off .. there were alot of storms I faced that many people would never have guessed. People would never have guessed that many evenings when I was younger, when people were sleeping, there was warfare going on within my home. Heck, there was daily warfare, night or day.

I'll start of explaining my father.

My father was a torn man. He gave me so much love and was an good father ... who was passionate about Jesus Christ and animate about living a life of love, compassion, kindness, understanding, selflessness, forgiveness, truth, and family. He had a wonderful heart.

But he also had a double nature. He was heavily afflicted by his past, and was never sastified with his present. He struggled with addictions -- such as alcohol mainly, cigarettes, and other drug related dependencies based on mental conditions, as well as sex/lust. Also, He was a Senior research chemist (a few decades) who was exposed to a certain toxic chemical called "methyl-Ethyl-tin" in high dosages, which took him out of work and left him with a knowledge that his body and mind would deteriorate more and more as the years went by, so what I'm saying is he had severe mental illness with horrible health related issues on top of it all.

It's important that you know my Dad, because the affliction of any loved one will overlap into the life of another. I loved my Dad dearly. And he would want me to share "the truth" with all of you, so that Jesus would be glorified -- His mercy, His Great Love, and His Saving Grace.

My Dad never "abused" my mom, but came pretty close at times. He was a very scary person who could go zero to 1000 very quickly, especially under the influence of alcohol. Being the oldest of four boys, I was always the front runner, the defender of my mom and the representative of my brothers that had to "challenge/confront" my dad during "scary" scenarios. My father never hit me though, never once in my entire life. I meant alot to him and there were many moments he broke down in front of me. But at the same time, there were many times he didn't back down and would try and terrorize/scare me (throwing things, breaking chairs, screaming beyond sound, violent movements, etc.) Being a child, I didn't know what to expect, my dad was very erratic and unpredictable in nature. There were many nights, I would be startled out of sleep because something was happening between my mom and my dad, because of my dad ... and I'll be honest, alot of scary "shit".

Sadly, my heart became cold after a while, many people couldn't see it because I was always good at "putting on face" or "not thinking about it, but my heart really was going cold. I hated my dad. It came to the point at times where I was ready to kill, if anything got out of hand and my mom was in danger. Being a child who had to be ready to kill at will ... made my heart very cold. Because as much as I hated my dad, I loved him.

It broke my heart to see my dad struggle so much. He hated who he was. It broke his heart to see the family he cherishes go through so much pain because of his "warring nature" the battled daily inside him. He was always apologetic. He always admitted wrong and worked His hardest to change things for his family. It just hurt me to see how hard he had just fitting in this world, but thank God I know now that this life here and now isn't important, that you won't "really" live until you're done this life on earth and you're face to face with Jesus Christ/God. This life has one purpose -- to know God and to Love God through Faith in Jesus Christ and a relationship with Him through Love.

I was heavily impacted and traumatized by the destruction of my dad, he was the first person I ever lost. He died September 3rd 2003. 2nd day of Senior year, I was 18.

Looking back I wouldn't change a thing, I'm so thankful God showed my dad mercy and brought him home to heaven. Because of all that happened in my past, it led me to the most important moment in my life, April 8th 2007 -- when I went from "no hope" to placing my belief and hope in Jesus Christ -- the day in which I found my purpose, who I am, and "fullness of life".

The 3rd part of my testimony will be posted soon. In the last part of my testimony I will lead you through and up to the life finding decision to place my belief and hope in Jesus Christ.